Communicating in a professional environment.

As I've mentioned before, I'm in a graduate program right now studying a specialized field within education. All of the other people in my program are teachers as well. A core group of about thirty-five (started with fifty), we have learned a lot about each other in the past year. Our program is rigorous, sometimes unreasonably so and with our full-time teaching schedules, it can be overwhelming.

Throughout the program, I've noticed and tried to be very self-aware about the energy I contribute to a class discussion or seminar. I try to be mindful that negativity is draining, therefore I only bring up a dilemma of practice if I know I actually want solutions to that problem. I used to think that attitude was selfless but in fact, it's the opposite. I don't like negativity, and that's why I am that way. It really has nothing to do with how other people are feeling about it... which is what I realized in our blow-out in class last night. I was just annoyed and I kept thinking: So you are all telling me that you are perfectly happy sitting here and wasting a three hour class with your cynicism. Seriously? But that's me -- and I have to start realizing that not everyone (and most people in fact) don't function that way. I can't continue to expect people to come in and be positive when the reality of a lot of their work environments is ghastly.

Still processing some feelings about yesterday's class. I let my frustration about the pessimism in our class get to a point where I lashed out at everyone. I don't regret anything that I said -- I believe I was pretty direct but also respectful. Sometimes that directness can be perceived negatively because as a society we have an expectation of the way people express their feelings and their displeasure and my methods of communication don't really fit that paradigm. Disagreement is uncomfortable and so in general people try to couch their feelings in as accommodating language as possible in order to soften that discomfort. It also takes a pretty high degree of social intelligence to be able to communicate disagreement without making the other person feel defensive -- something I am just not good in general.

Struggling with how to communicate directly and honestly with people in a non-combative way. One of the other people in my program, whose name I won't mention but she's wonderful, she is just so good at this. She has such a high level of social intelligence to be able to communicate how she's feeling honestly, but she never makes anyone feel like they have to defend against her point even if they feel the complete opposite opinion to be true.

Hi there, everyone.

Some time's passed since my last post and first and foremost, I want to post a little shout-out of congratulations to my dear friend, Alyssa, who delivered a healthy baby boy at the end of March. All of my love goes out to her, her husband and their new son!

As some of you in academia/education may know, testing season is here and as such, I have had a lot less time to do the recreational things I love. The air in my classroom has become charged with the characteristic stress of state exams and we will all be happier once it's over. On the whole, they are handling it well; much better than I would be in their situation. So much seems to ride on these exams, whose scoring methods are unclear.

That doesn't mean that I've been all work and no play. Some new developments have come with the brightening of the trees and the warmer weather. I bought a pair of roller blades and I am determined to learn how to skate this year. So far, I've ruined one pair of pants and scraped up my knees to an embarrassing degree.

Last weekend I went back to my hometown to spend some time with my parents. We went to a bridal shower for one of my cousins and later my mother and I bought some herbs to plant in a window box garden. Right now I have thyme, oregano, basil and rosemary. I was trying to find some cilantro but alas, the plant depot was cleaned out of them by the time I arrived. I wanted to buy some orchids but came to find that they are so expensive! $30 for a small one and $60 for a large?! For a plant? Absolutely insane.

There are only about four weeks left of the semester and everyone is in crunch mode. That means I haven't done a whole lot of recreational reading but I will say that I'm working on a novel called The Meaning of Night by Michael Cox. Highly recommend it if you enjoy savoring your novels; his prose is rich and opulent, like being in an old and expensive restaurant with velvet drapes and a grand piano in the center of the dining room.

Paris is Burning: Looking at the ashes

As many of you can relate to, the majority of my television/movie consumption comes from Netflix. I don't have cable and if I want to spare myself the hassle of pouring through illegal links on the internet, I just find something entertaining to watch through the Netflix on my PlayStation 3. Recently, I watched the documentary Paris is Burning by Jenni Livingston. It chronicles the black gay ballroom scene in Harlem in the late 1980's.

While I did enjoy the documentary and was fascinated not only at a look at this underground culture which I know nothing about... I have to admit. Even as a woman of color who feels solidarity with queer issues, I felt that my positionality as a viewer was exploitative and voyeuristic. I found myself asking throughout the documentary "Who is the person behind this camera? What's happened to these people since the filming? Did they profit from any of the success? Were their lives impacted positively?"

So, being the busy bee scholar that I am, I did some slacktivist googling and came up with some articles detailing the aftermath of Paris is Burning. Mainly, that Paris burned, and that you really need to sift through those ashes to find remnants of the people featured on it.

Venus Extravaganza was found strangled and stuffed under a hotel bed four days after her death, by a stranger. The sheer magnitude of that statement as I read it here can't really be communicated in the paltry writings of a blog. To think that someone with such a vibrant personality (criticism of her personal desires and politics aside) wasn't even able to see the premiere of this documentary due to such a heinous crime... it really saddened me. I felt like for a moment I pressed through the threshold of time and screen and felt for the grief of her friends.

Then I found out that most of the participants did not reap too many financial benefits from the documentary, a fact that film-maker Jenni Livingston seems nonchalant about in her interviews. She insisted in the linked article above that ethically speaking, she shouldn't pay the participants of a documentary. And yet.

Exploitation. Something about this makes me feel like you've taken a wild and exotic creature, thrown a net over it, and brought it to the zoo. Put it in a cage with some greenery and maybe an artificial pond. The people come and pass, say "Wow, what an interesting thing I've never seen before. How strange and different. We don't have anything like that where I'm from." Their noses pressed up to the glass, keenly aware and grateful for that physical separation.

Spicy Chicken Ramen: go to dish for busy post grad cooks.

I wish I had a photo of this; next time I make it I definitely will take one. This is a delicious, filling dish that you can easily make in 20 minutes from start to finish. Like any typical Latina, I don't do measurements, so these are all approximations.

Servings: 3-4 (enough for left-overs to bring to work the next day)

1 quart of low sodium chicken stock
1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breast
6 leaves of kale, roughly chopped
1 package of instant rice noodles
1 small onion, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, minced
olive oil
hot sauce (Sriracha if you have it)
soy sauce

I'd recommend slicing the chicken into small thin strips. Sauté it the olive oil along with the garlic and onions. Put a little bit of soy sauce (not too much, don't want it to get too salty). Then throw everything into a big pot (let the chicken stock get hot first) and stir. Wait around for 10-15 minutes and your life instantly just got better.

Back from hiatus.

Hello everyone --

It's been a while. When I first started this blog six (!) years ago, I was in a very different place in my life. Now, I think it's time to bring my public blogging persona back.

These days I am teaching middle school ESL in one of the outer boroughs (New York City for my international readers) and I am almost finished with my first year of graduate school in education.

I date sometimes.

I cook a lot.

I write.

I'm trying to live a healthier lifestyle (although with the amount of stuff I've got going on, it's tough). I've lost about twenty pounds since I graduated from college last May. Most of that has been incidental, but recently it's been deliberate.

I recently celebrated my 23rd birthday and as you may not know, I happen to love prime numbers. So to celebrate a prime year, I'm trying to live better and write more.

Here goes.